Finding Colonel Meow’s Cat Castle of World Domination

Redfin just helped Colonel Meow, the latest sensation taking over the interwebs, buy his new home. Colonel Meow gained internet notoriety the day he picked a fight with his arch nemesis, Boo, the “world’s cutest dog.” He’s got a very busy schedule—between interviews with Anderson Cooper, strategizing new ways to take down the birds in his neighborhood, and litter-talking Boo – he didn’t have much time to look at houses.

He came to us with very specific demands. 1) His cat condo – err castle – had to be better than Boo’s house. 2) It had to have enough space to host the Evil Itty Bitty Kitty Committee, whose members shall remain anonymous. 3) It had to be tall enough to see all of his minions below. 4) The neighborhood had to be completely devoid of birds.

When we arrived at the location of the first cat condo, I could smell the scotch on his breath. I wasn’t sure if that was a good sign. The condo was a lovely tri-level with an open floor plan. The modern décor and unique design was perfect for Colonel Meow. Towering at four and a half feet, it gave him plenty of height to see his minions below. As he sniffed around the base, I watched his expression to try to get a feel for whether or not he liked the condo. But as always, his frown never turned upside down, and I was worried he didn’t like it. Suddenly he relieved himself on the floor. Enough said. This is definitely going to be a tweet for @REConfidential.

It was time to move on to the second condo. The Colonel said he needed to stop for a quick break first, and I thought I saw him take a swig off of his flask before he jumped in the car with his human. I have conducted more than 300 home tours, and that was a first for me! I was confident he would like this condo; it was even taller, coming in at five and half feet. The exquisite design included servants’ quarters on the lower level, all-new carpeting, and beams made of solid pine. It even came with two minions to wait on the Colonel’s every beck-and-call. It only took me 15 minutes to get there, but Colonel Meow showed up an hour later. He offered no explanation, and just walked right on in. I held my breath as he inspected each level. When he reached the top, he coughed up a hairball that reeked of booze. Point taken.

After seeing him take a few more swigs, I was worried he’d get lost on his way to the third location, so I crouched down to highlight the route he should take on the map. But then he gave me that look – you know the one– and I backed off.  The third house was more than a cat condo, it was a cat castle. It was a split-level with four floors and natural elements that added a quiet sense of Zen. There’s no doubt it was better than Boo’s, and it had plenty of space for the Evil Itty Bitty Kitty Committee. Best of all, the spacious master perch was tall enough for Colonel Meow to see all of his minions. When he arrived, Colonel Meow still had a frown on his face, but I thought I caught a little glimmer in his eye. He immediately climbed to the top – and I was preparing for the worst – but when nothing happened, I knew it was the one. I immediately began writing the offer.

The Redfin listing agent informed me she had already received six other offers, three of them all-cash, and two had waived the inspection contingencies. When I told Colonel Meow about the competition, he said “he’d take care of it.” The next day all other offers were mysteriously rescinded.

We closed just three days later, and Colonel Meow walked away with a $1.3 million dollar Redfin refund. His human said it would go to the Humane Society, but my guess is that he’s heading straight to the liquor store to celebrate. When I delivered the keys to him, he batted at them with his paw and walked away.

It was my honor to serve such a celebrity, and I wish him the best of luck with his new cat castle!

–          Corina Galen, Redfin Agent